Sexual relations are natural practices for every normal couple and are a very basic element of marriage life, but they are rarely discussed in Chinese churches because Chinese people are afraid of embarrassment. When I was young, I asked my mother where I came from, my mother said, "You burst out of a stone." My friend's mother told him, "You were caught by a big bird." When I was older, I asked my mother the same question again. She knew that she could no longer lie to me, so she told me that sexual intercourse was a human instinct and did not need to be taught. You would understand it naturally when you grew up.

Yes, sex is indeed a human instinct. A man puts his reproductive organ into a woman's reproductive organ. The whole process is an instinctive reaction. But is such knowledge enough to establish a happy and harmonious sexual life for a couple?

To have a harmonious sex life, you must first understand the differences between men and women. Men and women have very different reactions and satisfaction to sex. Harmonious satisfaction cannot be achieved by instinct alone. If a man applies what he can be satisfied to a woman, the woman will only feel disgusted; similarly, if a woman applies what she can be satisfied to a man, the man will only feel uncomfortable.

A harmonious and satisfying sex life for a couple cannot rely solely on instinct, but is an art. Art requires continuous learning, understanding and experience. Only by satisfying each other according to their needs can harmony be achieved in sex life.
When it comes to sex life, please allow me to be frank and open, and don't be afraid of embarrassment.

The importance of sex in a couple's relationship

Among all human relationships, the relationship between husband and wife is the most intimate. The Bible says: "A man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." The original word for sex is "knowing", which means knowing through the experience of sexual relationships. Sex focuses on relationships and commitment, not just behavior, otherwise it will become a beastly release. Sex is the union of the whole person, including the union of spirit, soul and body.

All other relationships are derived from the relationship between husband and wife, so there are all kinds of interpersonal relationships such as parents and children, brothers and sisters, friends and teachers, etc. In God's design, physical union is unique to husband and wife. Other relationships only have the communication level of spirit and soul, and there will be no sexual communication.
Sex is a gift of God to men and women. It is holy and noble. God established sexual relationships so that couples can specifically express the intimacy and love between two people, and emotions are expressed through specific actions.

Similarly, sex is the most powerful and unique way given by God to couples to express love and intimacy. If the couple is not harmonious in their sex life and cannot get satisfaction, it is a great regret in the relationship between husband and wife.

The two sexes are very different

Some people say that men and women are like buffaloes and butterflies, two very different temperaments. Love is to put down yourself to cater to each other and serve each other's needs.

Girls: We should enjoy sex through love and intimacy.
Boys: We should experience love and intimacy through sex.

Girls: Unless I feel that my husband loves me, knows that I am important to him, and that we communicate with each other, I cannot enjoy sex.
Boys: I don't need to feel love and intimacy before I have sex with my wife. Most men want to be satisfied immediately when they feel sexual urges. It takes a lot of self-control for me to wait.

Girls: My husband came back from a business trip and wanted to make love with me immediately. But I first wanted to know how his business trip went? Is there anything interesting to share? I also wanted to tell him what happened at home today so that we can communicate and share our hearts. Only by communicating with each other beforehand and being emotionally satisfied, can sex be sweet.
Boys: My wife's reaction made me feel rejected; if I force her, she will feel that I don't respect her and don't cherish her. In fact, men also need love and intimacy, and sex is an important way to help us open up our emotional side and experience love.

Boys: God created male and female sexual organs to be prominent and hidden, and we can see the difference between men and women. Physiologically, male organs are more easily excited, and when excited, they want to be satisfied, and pleasure comes from the moment of climax. Our satisfaction comes from the release of sexual pressure, and the experience and feelings at the moment of climax are the most profound. It can be said that boys tend to be goal-oriented, that is, to reach climax as soon as possible. Under sexual pressure, boys are more difficult to wait and just want to be satisfied quickly.
Girls: Our satisfaction comes from the whole process. The smoother the process and the more satisfying the foreplay, the more enjoyable it is. In the process, we need to feel the gentleness, love, and cherishment of our husbands. The better the husband does, the greater our reaction will be.
Boys: The more my wife responds, the more I feel loved and affirmed, and the more willing I am to be gentle and considerate to my wife.

What husbands should know and do from a female perspective

1. Wonderful sex starts from daily life

Most women need to feel happy in their marriage and feel that their husbands cherish them before they can feel satisfied in sex. A wife who has been married for ten years complained to a marriage counselor, "My husband is under great mental pressure at work during the day, and he is not talkative. When he comes home from work, he just watches TV and reads newspapers and rarely talks to me. When it's time to go to bed, he asks for sex. If I don't respond much, he's unhappy. I really don't know if my husband loves me."

How a husband treats his wife after getting out of bed directly affects his wife's performance in bed. A happy sex life starts when you get up. It is very difficult to ask your wife to be passionate and unrestrained in bed if you are not gentle and considerate to your wife at ordinary times.

On the one hand, this is not easy for many husbands to understand. In terms of sexual satisfaction, men emphasize the moment of climax, while women emphasize the whole process, including the process of life. Girls tend to look at all things in life as a whole, while boys usually divide everything very clearly, and can temporarily put aside their worries and engage in sexual activities. But girls are different. Wonderful sex comes from the continuation of deep affection. Therefore, husbands should not only be affectionate with their wives in bed, but also do some actions in daily life to make her feel loved and cherished, so that she will be passionate in sex.

2. Conversation has aphrodisiac effect

Women value communication. When sleeping or resting, it is good for wives to have a good conversation with their husbands. In this way, when they have sex later, if the husband speaks sweet words, the wife will be more intoxicated.

A marriage expert interviewed some women who had extramarital affairs and found that 75% of them cheated not for sex, but for the third party to have a good and intimate communication with them. The expert said: "One lady's lover is impotent. She chose to be with him just because he would say some sweet words that her husband would never say."

For many women, feeling that someone cares about them from a conversation is more satisfying than having sex. Especially for a woman who is busy with housework and needs to take care of children, or a professional woman who has to take care of the family and go out to work, a heart-to-heart talk will make them more responsive in sex.

3. Men should understand the art of foreplay

Many men know the importance of foreplay, but they ignore it. Men can reach orgasm in two or three minutes, and the process is very simple, but women may need ten times more time. During this period, men need to touch and kiss her to gradually guide her to orgasm. Therefore, husbands, you should know the importance of foreplay.

During the foreplay, men should pay attention that before women are sexually excited, they will enjoy their husbands touching their whole body, rather than focusing on stimulating their sexual organs. Men should not be too impatient. At the beginning, they do not need to touch sensitive parts directly, but use gentle hands to slowly touch the whole body to make their wives feel intimate, and then gradually move to sensitive parts. Repeating this several times will make her feel excited. At this time, sexual intercourse will be wonderful! Once a man is too impatient and goes straight into sensitive parts and uses too much force, it will only make the woman feel painful.

4. It is not necessary to make your wife orgasm every time to be considered successful

Research shows that about 60% of women can experience an orgasm once in two sexual intercourses. But many women feel a kind of pressure, thinking that they must reach orgasm. Many husbands also think that they must make their wives reach orgasm to be considered a good partner. However, although the orgasm moment is wonderful, it is not necessary.

If sex focuses too much on climax, it is like focusing all your attention on the destination when traveling, and ignoring the beautiful scenery along the way. What a pity. In fact, for women, the intimacy of skin-to-skin contact has already made them very satisfied, and they do not necessarily need to have an orgasm.

Women are like the moon, which waxes and wanes at times, and women's sexual desire also has cycles. When a woman's body is in good condition, she wants to have an orgasm; but sometimes a wife just wants to hug her husband intimately, which is already very satisfying and does not care much about whether there is an orgasm. Therefore, both parties should not put this pressure on themselves.

5. Continue to show love after sex, which is very important to the woman's satisfaction

Men and women are different. After the orgasm of a boy, the pressure of sexual desire is relieved, and the enthusiasm retreats immediately. The process of a girl is longer, and the sexual excitement is slowly built up and also needs to retreat slowly. After the orgasm, there is still sexual excitement, and it will slowly calm down. Therefore, girls still need to continue to show love and show intimacy to her after the orgasm.

The husband can continue to caress his wife, from the sensitive part to the insensitive part. In the process, he can whisper sweet words to her, and she will feel so happy.

If the husband cannot avoid falling asleep, he should at least hug his wife to sleep, and not turn around and sleep alone.

6. Many taboos for women

In order to protect girls from being too casual in sex, our previous generation unconsciously instilled a concept that sex is a dirty thing and cannot be talked about. This has caused many girls to not dare to enjoy sex or discuss it, and regard sexual intercourse as a responsibility between husband and wife.

Husbands should understand that girls have some concerns about sex, such as only being able to have sex at night and turning off the lights during the process. These concerns should not be forced, but consensus can be reached through communication.

In fact, sex was created by God, and God is also happy to see couples enjoy sexual relations. We can break taboos, be bold and innovative, and try various things. As long as it does not violate the principles of the Bible and does not harm the body, any sexual method and posture are acceptable.

What wives should know and do from a male perspective

1. Don't use sex as a threat

Don't use sex as a means to force your husband to accommodate you, especially when you disagree or argue. When your husband doesn't listen to you and isn't considerate enough, you refuse to have sex with him, or respond indifferently to sex, making him unhappy and uncomfortable. Or you send your husband a message that he must compromise before you have sex with him.

Girls' psychology in this regard can be very subtle. It may not be intentional, but it is easy to show it unconsciously. Sex is not a means of transaction, nor a tool to manipulate the other party; this will only devalue sex and destroy sexual compatibility.

2. Dress yourself up to attract your husband

Girls achieve sexual excitement through touch, while boys achieve sexual excitement through vision. Therefore, when making love, the husband will feel very satisfied and proud when he sees his wife's expression of enjoyment and intoxication. The wife can also choose some sexy underwear to arouse her husband's sexual desire. Therefore, it is easier for boys to get involved when there is a little light during sex.

The wife should also pay attention to her usual appearance and not let herself become a housewife with unkempt hair and dirty face.

3. Try to cooperate with the husband's requirements

Girls need love to experience the beauty of sex, but boys need to experience love through sex, so that they can open their hearts. If the wife can actively cooperate with him in sex and have a good response, the husband will feel loved – this is a very powerful way to build male self-esteem.

If the wife refuses the husband's sexual request, she should give a reasonable explanation, because for boys, refusing sex is a rejection of love and a kind of hurt.

If a boy is often unreasonably refused by his wife to have sex, he may have two reactions: one is that he becomes angry and vents with violence, and the other is that he loses interest in his wife and is prone to extramarital affairs. In this way, the relationship is put to the test.

1 Corinthians 7:4-5 says, "The wife has no claim to her own body, but hers does. Likewise, the husband has no claim to his own body, but his wife does. Do not deprive one another." The Bible says that there is only one situation in which you can separate your sex life, that is, "unless both parties agree and pray together." You still have to have sex afterwards.

If a wife is in a bad mood, she has no right to refuse her husband unless she is forgiven by him. The wife should give her husband a sense of security, that is, whenever the husband makes a sexual request, he will not be rejected, and the husband will love his wife more. The more the husband loves his wife, the more his wife will respond sexually, the more the husband will feel loved, and naturally he will be more gentle and considerate to his wife. In this way, there will be a happy sexual relationship.

On Love and Sex