Many people have an unrealistic fantasy about marriage, thinking that marriage is a magical treasure box filled with many kinds of beautiful things, including happiness, security, respect, understanding, warmth, comfort, etc. Everyone keeps extracting things that can satisfy themselves from this big treasure box, but one day they find that everything in the treasure box has been extracted and is empty. They feel very disappointed and helpless, and start to blame each other, and even throw away the treasure box.

A happy marriage would not come naturally. This treasure box needs to be managed by the couple together. The relationship between husband and wife involves both parties and requires the joint efforts of both parties. When you get married, saying "I do!" means that you have decided to pay the price for the relationship and bring out the best in your partner. Only when both parties work hard to make each other a better spouse, will the marriage be happy.

How to turn your spouse into a better partner? Here are three tips.

1. You must take the initiative to change first (Luke 6:31)

A common problem between couples is to complain about each other and ask the partner to change. We think that as long as the partner changes, the whole world will be different and all problems will be solved. But have you ever thought that the one who needs to change the most may be yourself! You may be the key to the problem!

Don't shirk the responsibility completely on your partner. In order to protect themselves, people often like to shirk responsibility, thinking that if there is a problem in the marriage, it must be the problem of the partners, and not themselves. Adam and Eve are the best example. This kind of shirking of responsibility has been repeated in the relationship between couples.

There was a child who said to his mother one day in anger, "I hate you!" After scolding her, he was afraid of being punished, so he immediately rushed out of the door, ran to the nearby hillside, and shouted loudly to the valley, "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" There were echoes from the other side of the valley, "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" The child was frightened and ran home to tell his mother that a child on the other side of the valley scolded him, saying, "I hate you!" The mother dragged his hand and walked to the hillside, asking him to shout to the valley, "I love you! I love you!" The child did it, and this time, another child's voice in the opposite valley said to him, "I love you! I love you!"

The relationship between husband and wife is an echo. What you give is what you receive. How you treat others is how they will treat you. The Bible says, "Do to others as you would like others to do to you." Similarly, how you would like your spouse to treat you is how you should treat him/her.

If you want your spouse to be gentle to you, you must be gentle to him/her first. If you want your spouse to encourage you, you should encourage him/her first. If you want your spouse to say "I'm sorry" to you, you should say "I'm sorry" to him/her first. If you want your spouse to tolerate you, you should tolerate him/her first. How you want your spouse to treat you, you should treat him/her the same way first. It's that simple. You should take the initiative to change yourself first, and then your marriage will be happy.

2. You should encourage your spouse more

What is encouragement? The word encourage comes from courage. Encourage means to make the other person full of courage and overcome fear. Your spouse needs your encouragement.

The biggest waste of mankind today is not the waste of natural resources, but the waste of human potential. Less than 5% of human potential can be brought into play! Why? It's because of fear. In the parable of the talents in Matthew, the servant said, "Lord, I knew that you are a hard-hearted man, reaping where you did not sow and gathering where you did not scatter seeds. So I was afraid and went and hid your talent in the ground." (Matthew 25:24-25) Many people today are afraid of failure, so they hide their potential given by God and dare not use it. What a pity!

You need to constantly encourage your spouse and use encouragement to bring out the best in his/her life. The best way to love your spouse is not to share your wealth with him/her, but to let him/her be affirmed by you.

Don't take the other person's kindness to you as a matter of course, but understand that it is grace and know how to cherish it. Don't be stingy with your praise. The more praise a person receives, the better and more outstanding he/she is.

3. You need to constantly increase the deposit in your affection account

Everyone has a bank account. Once you open an account in the bank, you need to keep depositing money into it, and when you need it, you can withdraw money from the account.
In fact, there is also an account in a couple's relationship, which is the "affection account". It stores not money but affection. The more deposits in the affection account, the happier the couple's relationship will be. On the contrary, the less deposits in the affection account, or even when it is overdrawn, the worse the relationship will be.

How to increase the deposits in the affection account? The ways to deposit money include being gentle, considerate, caring, respectful, trusting... Every time you treat your spouse like this, you are depositing money into the affection account.

When the relationship is tense, you can make up for it with the deposits in the affection account. If the affection account does not have enough deposits, the relationship will be easily hurt, and even small things will become very sensitive.

On the contrary, rudeness, neglect, distrust, picky, criticism... These will reduce the deposits in the affection account. When it is overdrawn, the relationship is over!

There is also an art to depositing money into the affection account: you don't need to deposit a lot each time, but you have to deposit it continuously. You don't need to do big and spectacular things for your spouse, but you have to pay attention to doing small things. In a person's life, small things account for a large part, but there are few big and spectacular things. Life is made up of many small things, but the most neglected thing is how to do small things well. It doesn't take a lot of time, it's a small investment and a big benefit, as long as you are willing to spend a little time.

There are many ways to express love, you can definitely find a way that suits your spouse. It's not enough to just hide your love in your heart, you have to express it. Not only let your spouse know that you love him/her, but also let him/her feel being loved.

I can guarantee that as long as you regularly do some small things to make your spouse happy, he/she will love you wholeheartedly, and your relationship will last forever. You will enjoy this relationship more and more.

How to Turn your Spouse into a Better Partner