Personal Relationship 4
Communication
Communication is a complex matter because there may be a lot of things included behind the words.
There is a vital element in communication, which is listening.
The Bible teaches us some principles on listening:
1. Communicate with an appropriate aspect
• Identify the aspect with which others communicates with you, and respond accordingly
• If what the other person shares with you are facts, opinions and thoughts, then we may respond with our own opinions, answers and judgements
• If what they share with you are feelings, experiences of pain or joy, then we should respond accordingly from the heart
• If they talk from their 'heart' to us (communication at the emotional aspect), then we should work hard to empathise with their inner feelings
• The Samaritan woman by Jacob's well felt [and knew] that Jesus was not there to declare her sins, thus she was very open to Jesus
• John 11:33/35 'When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. Jesus wept'
• 1 Peter 3:8 'Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.' Here, sympathy means entering the other person's feelings, and treating them as your own feelings
2. Express our compassion with our words
• Use our words to help express their feelings. This would make them aware that we understand their feelings.
3. Lead the person to overcome the limitations enforced by the environment
• Carefully listen and respond to the person in order to encourage them to share more.
• Close observations and awareness of the other person's openness, with questions raised at appropriate moments can lead the other person to share their inner world.
4. Transform the situation at the most critical times
• The most common mistake we make in listening is to make judgements, give guidance and opinions too quickly in order to change the person's circumstance
• We must first understand the core of problem thoroughly in order to resolve it correctly.
These are some techniques in listening:
| Non-verbal | Verbal |
| 1. Put down your distractions immediately (e.g. television, computer, newspaper etc.) 2. Intentionally ignore things that distract you (e.g. other people, noises etc) 3. Bring the person to a more private space if necessary 4. Be attentive 5. Keep your eye contact 6. Maintain an appropriate tone in speaking 7. Make use of adequate body positions, body language and facial expressions (e.g. nodding) 8. Face the person directly to express your openness to them 9. Make contact appropriately 10. Spend more time talking to them if necessary 11. Keep a friendly social distance 12. Be at the same level as them 13. Invite the other person to sit when needed 14. Be alert and engaged 15. Use your voice to express that you care |
1. Invite the person to express from their hearts 2. Lead the person to plainly describe their hearts • Keep quiet to show your anticipation • Ask open questions • Be honest with yourselves • Observe 3. Respond to things they talk about 4. Keep quiet if needed 5. Respond with compassion 6. Give recognitions appropriately 7. Raise appropriate questions 8. Let the person finish their narrative 9. Give sufficient responses at the mind and heart levels 10. Acknowledge their feelings 11. Speak with encouragement 12. Repeat what you hear to clarify your understanding 13. Pray with them when needed |
Personal Relationship 4